5 Things I Wish I Knew 8 Months Ago...

It is amazing how 8 long months can feel like just a blur. Sometimes I stare down at my left hand and still think "wow, when did this get here? I am so lucky!" (or even "oh crap, what did I get myself into..."). So much has happened in 8 months that is non-wedding related: I finished my first full year of teaching, received a successful evaluation from my principal, got a gym membership (and used it more than once...I am currently working on a 3 times a week goal), adopted a puppy and two cats, renovated 3 rooms in my house, held my beautiful baby cousin, managed a classroom, tutored, coached, lifeguarded, made new friends, kept up relationships with old friends, and celebrated milestones and life in general. It is unfathomable that 8 months has passed since JPK took me to Jacksonville for a Florida State football game and put a ring on my finger the night before. Since then, I have accomplished many wedding related tasks: chose a ceremony site, chose a reception site, booked a DJ, booked a photographer, booked an officiant, started reading the pre-marital class book(s), bought a dress, settled on colors, chose a theme, and I am currently in the process of booking a videographer, florist, cake designer, as well as hunting for the perfect accessories and bridesmaid dresses. These past 8 months have been blissfully happy, yet stressful and when I think back there is not much at all I would change...

But,

I was just recently asked by a high school girlfriend, Miss. CR, the 5 thinks I wish I knew when I first gained this change in status. So without further ado, fellow brides and faithful readers, here is the list:

1. Expect that your man isn't going to be as into the planning process as you.

Now I know all guys are different and I am sure that there are many guys out there that possess a sensitive side that strongly surpasses my JPK, but know that they aren't going to be into every detail. They will definitely want to help pick out the venue (in fact, JPK picked our reception site), help decide on the colors (you'd think they wouldn't care, but oh no! don't change that color scheme on 'em), help pick out the food, and make any other MAJOR decisions. Will he sit with you as you scrutinize every photo on your photographer's blog? Probably not. Will he be interested in reading each and every magazine with you? No way. Will he agonize over the music on your wedding website? Maybe not, but the key is to include him without smothering him (oh yeah, I did just use one of my students' vocabulary words for this week). Do yourself a favor and prevent any or further arguing by not pressing issues. He's marrying you right? That means he loves you unconditionally and trusts you are going to make every detail beautiful. This does not mean exclude him though. Feel your man out and find out what he cares about most before you inundate him. Trust me on this one.

2. Explore all your options and be open-minded.

Miss. CR told me that she and her Mr. BP are planning on having the ceremony in his parents' backyard. I LOVE this idea! It brings a sense of family and togetherness to the ceremony. There are times that I will I would have explored all of my options when it comes to my venue (don't get me wrong I am INSANELY happy with my choice in location), but sometimes I think about my house. JPK and I put so much into the house and want to share our hard work with other. It would have been nice to research what it would have taken for us to had the ceremony in our backyard. Plus, that would have meant using the money we would have spent toward landscaping which would have offset a huge homeowner issue we have yet to take care of.

Also, be open-minded as you browse different internet sites for ideas. You may pass over an idea or suggestion because you feel that it doesn't fit into your theme, but save the image or bookmark the page anyway because there is so much creative freedom when it comes to your wedding that (I am willing to bet) if you work really hard, you can make that idea work. Just think Tim Gunn (or maybe Ellis and Associates lifeguarding) and make it work, girl! (Ok. I know I added the "girl", but I totally had to figure out a way to make that phrase my own).

3. Plan your dress shopping experience.

I am a drama queen. I was overly dramatic about my dress shopping experience. It was not bad per say, but definitely not what I expected. I went home and cried a bit, but like any great warrior/athlete/woman, I shook off my injuries, tried it again, and low and behold: SUCCESS! So what should you know? Well, mainly shop with as small of a group as possible. I love my girlfriends just as much as anyone else, but it is really hard to concentrate with all the differing opinions, and of course your own desire to keep people happy. Although my friends gave GREAT advice, I found myself unable to focus on what I really wanted. Instead, I was focused on keeping the group happy: striking cute poses, making sure everyone could keep up with what I was doing, making sure I displayed each and every dress I tried on, etc. Although this was great fun, it started to feel more like dress up and less like a serious trip for the most important outfit you will ever wear. Do I still want to go to Kleinfeld's with my entourage? OF COURSE! But, as the wise director of sales, Randy, knows: girls that come with an entourage rarely buy a dress.

My advice? Choose 2-4 people MAX to share in the shopping experience with you. Take people that you know you can trust (i.e. not someone that will tell you that you look FABULOUS in everything because that isn't helpful). When the group is smaller, you'll be less concerned with their boredom and hunger and more focused on yourself and your vision. The last day that I went shopping, I had my mom and a girlfriend, SM, with me and it was glorious. The three of us were on the same page and the shopping was not only successful and productive, but also fun. Honestly, the experience could have only been better if my sister and my bestie JAM were there to see it, too. But I know (just as you hopefully realize too) there are multiple fittings and at those special times, you can bring along the entourage for a viewing. Also remember about the element of surprise...your wedding day is the day. You can always just surprise people then.

4. Set a guest list limit (and limits in general) for your mamas (new and tried-and-true) and make sure they are in complete compliance.

As much as everyone had told me to speak my mind and be firm in this sticky subject area, I didn't listen and I wish more than anything that I had. It is your wedding, meaning there is no reason why you shouldn't invite more people than your parents (both current and in-laws) invite. If you don't limit the mamas, they will take over. Now, not every parent is like this but you are bound to have at least one that is exerting (or will try to exert) too much influence. It is very hard (especially for me as such an accommodating person) to tell people no, but brides DO IT!!! I can't stress it enough. If you don't, you may end up with an out of control guest list (keep that list as low as possible to give the people that matter MOST - the bride and groom - some wiggle room to invite more friends if necessary. I am starting to worry that these obscure relatives will show up instead of people I would much rather have there. Please don't let this happen to you). Also, do you want to end up with a weird entertaining act at your cocktail hour? I didn't think so...so please, even just to show up a softie like me, control the mamas while you can!

5. Make a budget and actually STICK to it!

I honestly don't even know how to write advice for this because I am already on track for going over budget and I don't even know how to set a budget in the first place. My advice to you is to do more than just set a spending limit (i.e. $20,000) but actually decide what that money will be spent on and do your absolute best to stay in your limits. It is very easy to go over budget because there are so many possibilities out there, but really consider your limits and splurges before you book (for example, is the entertainment more important than the flowers? Then plan to splurge on your DJ and limit yourself when you visit the florist). You'll be happier and feel less guilty in the end.

So there you have it, ladies (and any gents out there)! Some things to definitely think about as you embark into a wedding experience (or maybe keep in the back burners of your mind for when you will need it). Now, to change the subject a bit, I must get going because school has begun and as the ever talented teacher that I am, I must prep!

Parting is such sweet sorrow,

JLF, the All-American Bride-to-Be

p.s. For all you Florida brides out there, here is a list of some amazing vendors to check out:

The History Center, Orlando, FL.

Ceviche, Orlando, FL.

White Rose Entertainment, Orlando, FL.

Kallima Photography (LOVE!), West Palm Beach, FL. (Florida Destination Photographer)

Storybook Beginnings, Orlando, FL.

Sivan Photography, Orlando, FL. (up-and-coming photographer. Great talent. Hoping to book a trash-the-dress shoot with her)